Quotes
Me: "Which was better, Cthulhu or Nick Cage's The Wicker Man?"
Mom: "Cthulhu. It was a masterpiece compared to that."
Me: "Which would you rather watch, [The Wicker Man] or Mutant Chronicles?"
Mom: "Oh...I...I would commit suicide."
Personal Quote
"You used to be much more...muchier. You've lost your muchness."
Mad Hatter, "Alice in Wonderland" (2010)
Sherlock Holmes: "You've never complained about my methods before."
Dr. Watson: "I'm not complaining. How am I complaining? When have do I ever complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess, your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you steal my clothes?"
"Sherlock Holmes" (2009)
"Lost my muchness, have I?"
Alice, "Alice in Wonderland" (2010)
Dr. Watson: "It's happening. Whether you like it or not, 8:30, the Royale. Wear a jacket!"
Sherlock Holmes: "You wear a jacket."
"Sherlock Holmes", (2009)
"Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth."
Alan Watts
"Even with my metal plates and my fucked up nerve endings, I gotta tell you, that hurt! But not half as much as the idea of leaving everything behind. Katie, my dad, Todd and Marty...and all the things I'd never do. Like learn to drive or see what me and Katie's kids would look like or find out what happened on Lost. And if you're reassuring yourself that I'm going to make it through this since I'm talking to you now, quit being such a smartass. Hell, dude, you've never seen Sin City? Sunset Boulevard? American Beauty?"
Dave Lizewski, "Kick-Ass"
"Did you know cats can make one thousand different sounds and dogs can only make ten? Cats, man. Not to be trusted."
Jensen, "The Losers"
Pete: "I am disappointed in Arizona. I demand that your mom fix it. Specifically, for some reason, it is illegal to own a pet hedgehog. What the fuck. I demand, one, answers, and, two, hedgehogs."
Me: "It's illegal to own a ferret in New York, I think. I don't know who thinks these laws up. ...Maybe they think hedgehogs are hispanic."
Pete: "Todos los hedgehogs son illegales!"
Me: "Why do you want an illegal Mexican hedgehog, Pete? [Your dog] Lego would eat it."
Pete: "And then feel so much regret."
Me: "Pointy, point regret."
Personal Quote
"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need."
Chuck Palahniuk
"Just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying. And even though she acts like nothing's wrong, maybe she's just really good at lying."
Anonymous
"What about little microphones? What if everyone swallowed them, and they played the sounds of our hearts through little speakers, which could be in the pouches of our overalls? When you skateboarded down the street at night you could hear everyone's heartbeat, and they could hear yours, sort of like sonar. One weird thing is, I wonder if everyone's hearts would start to beat at the same time, like how women who live together have their menstrual periods at the same time, which I know about, but don't really want to know about. That would be so weird, except that the place in the hospital where babies are born would sound like a crystal chandelier in a houseboat, because the babies wouldn't have had time to match up their heartbeats yet. And at the finish line at the end of the New York City Marathon it would sound like war."
Oskar Schell, "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer
"I understand how scissors can beat paper, and I get how a rock can beat scissors, but there's no fucking way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why the hll can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college rules notebook paper constantly suffocating sudents as they take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody. A rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play Rock Paper Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, 'Oh, shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole.'"
Anonymous
"I was hiding under your porch because I love you."
Dug, "Up"
"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win."
Stephen King
"We all are worms, but I do believe I am a glow worm."
Winston Churchill
"Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry."
Robert Heinlein
"Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no whenever you don't want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important that finding out what you're doing here. Believe in kissing."
Eve Ensler
"If you smile at people, they will almost always smile back."
Anonymous
"The civilized will smile as they tear you limb from limb."
"Endgame, Vol. 1, The Problem of Civilization" by Derrick Jensen
"Friends are like potatoes. When you eat them, they die."
Anonymous
"This little girl was born with glitter in her veins."
Anonymous
"Apologizing does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego."
Anonymous
"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So—if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."
Anonymous
"Little girls cry, big girls say fuck."
Anonymous
"You can prevent yourself from crying while peeling onions by chewing gum. You can prevent yourself from crying in any other situation by not being such a little bitch."
Anonymous
"When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for."
Anonymous
"There will come a day when you'll feel like shit and you'll want to give up on this life and everything else. When that day arrives, save yourself some trouble and don't do a thing. Just take a nap."
Anonymous
"To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt."
Madonna
"Her life improved dramatically when she decided to break the rules and find beauty where she'd been told there was none."
Anonymous
"It is better to be hated for what one is than loved for what one is not."
Andre Gide
"Once a year, she remembers that she is insignificant. Then she forgets again, because more than she is insignificant, she is forgetful."
"Once A Year" by Dave Eggers
"I happen to know my approval ratings are still very high in the country of my birth."
President Barack Obama
Mom: "[Your dog] Attila brought John a [toy] cow. That's love, when you bring someone a cow."
Me: "Or a dowery."
Mom: "Yes, well, it depends on your culture."
Personal Quote
after reading an article about a hoarder with hundreds of chihuahuas
Me: "Why? Why would that guy put his chihuahuas in the freezer or fridge? Why?"
Mom: ""...Chihuahua fajitas?"
Personal Quote
"'Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.'
"'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.'"
Douglas Adams
"Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face."
Sue Sylvester, "Glee"
Puck: "I feel like that guy that lost all his hair and lost all his strength."
Santana: "Samson?"
Puck: "Agassi."
"Glee"
Will: "What are some of your regrets?"
Quinn: "Thinking 'trust me' was a sensible birth-control option."
"Glee"
Kurt: "Why are you here?"
Brittany: "I've been here since first period. I took all my antibiotics at once and I forgot how to leave."
"Glee"
"Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?"
Brittany, "Glee"
"I'm pretty sure my cat's been reading my diary."
Brittany, "Glee"
Santana: "Sex is not dating."
Brittany: "If it were, Santana and I would be dating."
Everyone: *awkward silence*
"Glee"
Kurt: "She's boundary-pushing, the most theatrical performer of our generation, and she changes her look faster than Brit changes sexual partners."
Brittany: "It's true."
"Glee"
"The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."
Joseph Conrad
"Try again, fail again. Fail better."
Samuel Beckett
"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
Albert Einstein
"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself."
William Faulkner
"Don't forget that I cannot see myself -- that my role is limited to being the one who looks in the mirror."
Jacques Rigaut
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