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Quotes

"There is a reason it's called 'Girls Gone Wild' and not 'Women Gone Wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub."

Louis CK

"Myth #8: Scientists are not sexy beasts. Truth: Scientists are indeed sexy beasts. Not only do our lab coats make us look dapper and charming, those same coats look even better strewn unceremoniously over a standing lamp while we make passionate love to you."

Adam Reuben

"To regard [depression] as being like the weather. It's not your responsibility that it's raining, but it is real when it rains, and the fact that it's raining does not mean that the rain is never going to stop. The only thing to do is to believe that, one day, it won't be raining and accept it so you can find a mental umbrella to shield yourself from the worst. The sun will eventually come up."

Stephen Fry

"I think he worried it would be something I might not consider because wearing a mask might damage my career or something. He thought I'd be worried that the audience couldn't see my beautiful face. Like I care. It's Chris Nolan! I would wear a paper bag over my head for that man."

Tom Hardy, on playing Bane in "The Dark Knight Rises"

Interviewer: "You mentioned that it was quite fun on set, can you explain the dynamic between the cast members?"

Jeremy Renner: "I never saw anybody but you. I'm crazy about you."

Scarlett Johansson: "I'm crazy about you."

Jeremy: "Only because of the agave cakes. The healthy, what was it? Vegan..."

Scarlett: "Those oatmeal cookies were vegan."

Jeremy: "You put all that gooey stuff on it. What was that icing on it?"

Scarlett: "It was so good."

Jeremy: "There's nothing good—Vegan to me just sounds like health food. There's nothing healthy about fun."

Scarlett: "That's not what vegan means."

Jeremy: "I know that's not what it means, it's just how I take it? Doesn't anyone else think that? Like, 'Oh, I'm vegan. Iím sorry.'"

Scarlett: "I'm sorry I what? That I eat a bunch of salad?"

Jeremy: "I eat bird seed and kale. That was her diet, she had a dehydration machine, and she just stuck whatever in it to dehydrate it, and everything came out tasting like toenails."

Scarlett: "You just don't like flax crackers."

Jeremy: "I don't like flax crackers, no. That is literally terrible. Like eating asphalt."

Scarlett: "I don't know how to explain our dynamic any other way than the conversation you just heard."

on filming "The Avengers"

"I believe that sex-positive feminism is about the belief that sex can be beautiful, it can be ugly, it can be difficult to deal with, or easy to understand; some kinds of sex are widely misunderstood, and some kinds of sex are widely stereotyped; some people are really into sex, and some people aren't; but most importantly, all kinds of sex are okay as long as they happen among consenting adults."

Clarisse Thorn

"I want to rip off your logic and make passionate sense to you. I want to ride in the swing of your hips. My fingers will dig in you like quotation marks, blazing your limbs into parts of speech."

Jeffrey McDaniel

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway."

Mother Teresa

Me: "Do you want to watch 'Addams Family Values'?"

Charlie: *snaps his fingers for the theme song*

Me: *clicks it on Netflix*

Charlie: *starts humming a theme song*

Me: "..."

Charlie: *still humming a theme song*

Me: "..."

Charlie: *humming*

Me: "...That's 'Pink Panther'."

Charlie: *snaps fingers*

Personal Quote

(after watching some Teen Wolf)

Pete: "For the record, going forward I will be referring to Colton Haynes as 'Gigolo Joe'."

Me: "Noooooooo, that's Jude Law."

Pete: "True, but Colton Haynes looks like a robot made for sexing things. Well, let me be clear. Jackson does. Because that's the character."

Me: "Jackson is a robot made for sexing things. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO TURN A ROBOT INTO A WEREWOLF DEREK IT TURNS INTO A LIZARD."

Pete: "BAD DEREK, BAD. NO COOKIE!"

Me: "That's what Stiles says when Derek pees on his stuff."

Pete: "It turns kinky pretty fast."

Me: *cries*

Pete: "MUWA HA!"

Personal Quote

Me: "Did you see my new phone case?"

Pete: "You mean the one where it looks like you killed and skinned a showgirl?"

Me: "She should have taken her heels off, she could have run faster."

Personal Quote

(after watching some Teen Wolf)

Andre: "Wait does Stiles eventually become a werewolf?"

Me: "Nope. That's been a rule set forth by the producers. No werewolf!Stiles."

Andre: "What? THAT'S BULLSHIT! Because I'm pretty sure Jackson is turning into...something and FUCK JACKSON!"

Me: "I am more than willing, but he's a fictional character. Stiles' awesomeness would be too much if he weren't human."

Andre: "What, no, I want adorable puppy wolf Stiles. Also...this show is okay."

Me: "That's what fanart is for. Haha, I knew you'd like it. You have taste."

Andre: "Derek is still a foot face though."

Me: "Except then you don't have taste because WHAT NO HE IS HAWT."

Andre: "From the neck down."

Me: "Also the neck up. Don't lie, Andre. It's unbecoming of a lady."

Personal Quote

(when my mother developed mystery hives)

Me: "Short hivey, tiny hivey, little ball of hives."

Mom: "..."

Me: "Itchy hivey, squirmy hivey, hive, hive, hive."

Mom: "..."

Me: "..."

Mom: "..."

Me: "..."

Mom: Shut up.

Personal Quote

Me: *blah blah blah Todd Akin*

Mom: *blah blah blah women's rights*

Me: "It's never a good thing when you can look straight at a politician and think, 'You know nothing. ...Jon Snow.'"

Mom: "..."

Me:"..."

Mom:"..."

Me:"..."

Mom: "You are truly my daughter."

Personal Quote

(while watching "Criminal Minds")

Me: "I want Spence to be real so I can keep him and hug him and feed him little bits of apple and make him say fun things."

Mom: "Little bits of apple? Like a horse?"

Me: "..."

Mom:"..."

Me:"..."

Mom:"..."

Me: "Yes."

Personal Quote

Me: "I'm going to see the hell out of ['Magic Mike']."

Sandra: "Hahaha! I know. I picture you sitting in the front row. And the only thing that changes are the people sitting around you. Like it's you and Charlie and Pete, then you and Nicole, then you and Charlie, then you and Charlie and Pete again, then you and your mom, etc."

Me: "Truth. Me and Amy. Me and Amy and Pete. Me alone."

Sandra: "You and Nick Fury."

Me: "He's shy, I had to coax him out."

Personal Quote

Me: "I'm having to reconcile myself to the fact that I...like Pitbull."

Sandra: "Honey, I knew you liked Pitbull four years ago."

Me: "I...I didn't even know who he was four years ago!"

Sandra: "You know you want him. You know he wants you. You know you want him. You know he wants you."

Me: "THAT WAS THE ONLY SONG, OKAY? THE ONLY SONG."

Personal Quote

Me: "I would disown you. THREE TIMES."

Sandra: "Wouldn't you have to reown me, at least once?"

Me: "Untrue. It is my superpower."

Sandra: "No it's not!"

Me: "That and slashing anything. ANYTHING."

Sandra: "Your superpower is—exactly!"

Me: "Refrigerator/washing machine. Oh, yes. Apple/dog bed. Mm-hmm."

Sandra: *laughs*

Me: "DVR/Attila. Bow chicka wow wow."

Sandra: "Your own dog. Your own dog. YOUR OWN DOG."

Me: "HE NEEDS LOVE TOO. And the DVR is a kind, generous lover. Actually, I think Attila has a crush on [one of Pete's dogs]. He showed his lipstick to one of them. I was embarrassed for him."

Sandra: *LAUGHS*

Me: "They are in a committed lesbian relationship, he has no place there."

Sandra: "OH, MY GOD."

Me: "Also, he would need a ladder."

Sandra: "I knoooooow! Oh, God , I think I will be sick from laugihng at him bless his little heart. Poor Attila. His red rocket does not have enough fuel."

Personal Quote

Mom: "Do you know what this instrument is called?" *holds up nail set*

Me: "STABBY STABBY POKEY POKE."

Mom: "No, it's called a nail set, for when you want to set up nails for the hammer."

Me: "STABBY STABBY POKEY POKE."

Mom: "No—"

Me: "STABBY STABBY POKEY POKE."

Mom: *sigh*

Me: "What's it called?"

Mom: "...Stabby stabby pokey poke."

Me: "Damn right."

Personal Quote

Mom: "What are you watching?"

Me: "'Queen of the Damned'."

Mom: "What? You are ill."

Me: "I LIKE STUART TOWNSEND'S HIPS, OKAY?"

Mom: *face of judginess*

Me: "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT."

Mom: "You are very sick. Very sick."

Personal Quote

Me: "Aww, Sean Bean. Dude, he got into a bar fight over some 22-year-old model the other night, got STABBED, and went back into the bar to get a drink before he headed to the hospital. He is awesome."

Sandra: "I know! I was like, 'DAMN, SEAN BEAN. WINTER IS FUCKING COMING.'"

Personal Quote

Me: "Just found a fic where Gambit charges Logan's skeleton through his claws in self-defense. And Logan...likes it. Unforseen kink is unforseen?"

bethy: "...Uhm. Well, then."

Me: "Yeah. I was like, 'Oh, that's a good idea actua—wait, what, now?'"

Personal Quote

Me: "I stumbled on an old Gambit/Logan fic? And, like, you can tell it's old...and it's pretty purple prosey...but there's, like, surprise almost!rape in the middle of it and the comments at the end are like, 'OMG SO HOT,' and while, okay, to each their own, I'm just like, 'Wait, what?'"

Sandra: "I know, that always weirds me out, too. Also, I am trying not to laugh at 'surprise almost!rape.' We should expect it by now."

Me: "But it was like...I don't even know! It was like, going fine, then BAM, raeptiems. Then oops-sorry-didn't-mean-that. I mean, what?"

Sandra: "I KNOW. It's so unexpected. And also, you'd be like '...Kay. Let's...let's not call each other anymore.'"

Me: "Oh, but, in this one, they end up CUDDLING. So...not only are GAMBIT and WOLVERINE fucking cuddlebunnies, apparently, that's also apparently the appropriate emotional response after surprise almost!rape. Fantastic. UGH, PEOPLE. It's sad, she did pretty well, other than that and the purpley prose."

Sandra: "Ewww, author."

Me: "That Wolverine, he always struck me as a serial cuddler."

Sandra: "HE IS THE BEST AT WHAT HE DOES. And what he does best is snuggle, Bub."

Me: "It's totes true. He's all, 'Growl. GROWL. SNARL. Snugglesnugglesnuggle.' BUT. He has to surprise almost rape you first. THEN you get snuggles. It's a rare jewel."

Sandra: "You know what? I'm going to pass on the Wolverine cuddles. They'd probably smell of BO and be really, really spikey."

Me: "AND HE'S SO FLUFFY. I would need to dip him in wax. Unless it's Hugh Jackman Wolverine, in which case I will accept cuddles, but I will be doing the surprise almost raping."

Personal Quote

Me: *looking at something at a kitchen store, hands Charlie stuff she's holding*

Charlie: *takes it, blinks, looks down at it, sighs* "I am your kitchen bitch, aren't I?"

Me: *walks away* "Come along, kitchen bitch, I have more things to find for you to carry."

Personal Quote

Charlie: "My Nightmare Before Christmas keychain is cracked."

Me: "What is it, original from when you were two?"

Charlie: "No...it's from four years ago."

Me: "...From when you were two."

Charlie: "I was not two! If I was two, that was the fastest grow up to 21 ever."

Me: "Nobody thinks you're 21, Charlie. Ask anyone on the street, they'd say, 'That girl isn't 21!'"

Charlie: *sad face*

Me: "What's it like to be Justin Bieber?"

Charlie: *goes to mock kick car, comes back with his keys* "I WILL KEY YOU!"

Me: *hugs him* "It's okay, Miss Bieber. It's okay."

Charlie: *stomps away*

Personal Quote

Me: "Will you buy me these [Christmas ornaments]? Because you love me? And you want the house to be pretty?"

Mom: "Well...I do want the house to be pretty."

Personal Quotes

Me: "How are you? Charlie and I were just talking about how we miss the kitchen the other day. I bet you guys miss us and all our awesome sass."

Chef Greenwalt: "Okay, you figured me out. I do miss you and Charlie so much that I often make the hour's drive to [the culinary school] and sit by the back door hoping you'll walk through."

(later)

Greenwalt: "Good luck and, as usual, please watch Charlie closely."

Me: "I try to keep sharp things away from him. He's never been clear about which end of the knife to hold..."

Personal Quote

Me: "Say 'silk' three times fast."

Charlie: "Silk, silk, silk."

Me: "What do cows drink?"

Charlie: "Mooooooo."

Personal Quote

Me: *relates a story about my mother being ridiculous* "Seriously, she is not human, she is a sitcom mom made flesh. She was being passive-aggressive. She wanted me to do it FOR her."

Kev: "Possibly point out 'Mother dearest, I am much less likely to offer to do something for you once you have Fucked It Up. Asking nicely beforehand shortcuts the entire process and means you're less likely to be Shut In A Home at the first opportunity.'"

Me: "I actually have this whole thing where, when she irritates me, I look at her and say, 'State run home.'"

Paxie: "Omfg, I need to try that on my mother."

Me: "Lately, mom's been going, 'There won't BE any state run homes by then, they'll all be private!'"

Paxie: "Maybe not in Arizona, but in OTHER states..."

Kev: "Indeed! The correct response to that argument is to raise an eyebrow and calmly say, 'Not in Uruguay.'"

Personal Quote

"Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them."

Eeyore, "Winnie the Pooh"

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

"It is far better to be alone than to be in bad company."

George Washington

"This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It's like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals—sounds that say listen to this, it is important."

Gary Provost

"I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for strangers, over tip, smile or try to be kind even when you don't feel like it, pay compliments, chase the kid's runaway ball down the sidewalk and throw it back to him, try to be larger than you are—particularly when it's difficult. People do notice, people appreciate. I appreciate it when it's done to (for) me. Small gestures can be an effort, or actually go against our grain ('I'm not a big one for paying compliments...'), but the irony is that almost every time you make them, you feel better about yourself. For a moment life suddenly feels lighter, a bit more Gene Kelly dancing in the rain."

Jonathan Carroll

"The trouble is, you think you have time."

Buddha

"Sorrow is how we learn to love. Your heart isn't breaking. It hurts because it's getter larger. The larger it gets, the more love it holds."

Rita Mae Brown, "Riding Shotgun"

"They introduce themselves as pro-life. And I say, 'Oh, I'm so glad. You must be fighting for healthcare for the poor.' And they look at me like I'm bonkers."

Sheila Walsh, a Catholic nun

"They certainly have decided upon what their audience is: women. And men of a certain stripe. Several stripes, in fact. Rainbow stripes. Rainbows. Women and gay men. Holy crap."

Pete (after seeing the season 2 "Arrow" posters), Personal Quote

"Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties. Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for better working conditions, for safety in the streets, for child care, for social welfare, for rape crisis centers, women's refuges, reforms in the law. If someone says, 'Oh, I'm not a feminist,' I ask, 'Why? What's your problem?'"

Dale Spender, "Man Made Language"

Me: "I just read a fic where Steve Rogers told Darcy Lewis, 'I'm going to rail you so hard later,' in public. Now that is an author who has spot on characterization."

Pete: "Did he preface it by calling her 'ma'am'? Because if he did it's obviously spot on characterization, not out of character at all."

Me: "Oh, God, no stop."

Pete: "'Ma'am, I'm going to have to slam into your pussy like I'm a subatomic particle and you're the Large Hadron Collider.' 'How believable!'"

Me: "'Oh, Captain Rogers, you're so old fashioned.'"

Pete: "'Little missy, you look like a young lady who is all the way into double penetration with a jackhammer and stick shift,' is something Steve totally said."

Me: "Bucky fluttered his lashes and adjusted the garter under his fluffy pink dress. 'Oh, Captain,' he tittered, covering his mouth like a fourteen-year-old Japanese schoolgirl."

Pete: "'Oh, senpai,' Bucky shouted, tears welling in his eyes. Natasha paused. 'What did you call me?'"

Personal Quote

"It's said it takes seven years to grow completely new skin cells.

"To think, this year I will grow into a body you never will have touched."

Brett Elizabeth Jenkins, "December 21st, 2002"

"What do I want instead of a strong female character? I want a male:female character ratio of 1:1 instead of 3:1 on our screens. I want a wealth of complex female protagonists who can be either strong or weak or both or neither, because they are more than strength or weakness. Badass gunslingers and martial artists sure, but also interesting women who are shy and quiet and do, sometimes, put up with others' shit because in real life there's often no practical alternative. And besides heroines, I want to see women in as many and varied secondary and character roles as men: female sidekicks, mentors, comic relief, rivals, villains. I want not to be asked, when I try to sell a book about two girls, two boys, and a genderless robot, if we couldn't change one of the girls to a boy."

Sophia McDougall, "I Hate Strong Female Characters"

"Hannibal is one of the more cheerful people I've ever played. He really enjoys life. He's not a character that I bring home all depressed about because he doesn't have any traumas. He's just Satan. Satan doesn't necessarily have to live in a dark hole. He can live out there where the music is playing."

Mads Mikkelsen, on filming "Hannibal"

"I'd like every man who doesn't call himself a feminist to explain to the women in his life why he doesn't believe in equality for women."

Louise Brealey

"Sometimes you need to remind yourself that you were the one who carried you through the heartache. You are the one who sits with the cold body on the shower floor, and picks it up. You are the one who feeds it, who clothes it, who tucks it into bed, and you should be proud of that. Having the strength to take care of yourself when everyone around you is trying to bleed you dry, that is the strongest thing in the universe."

Anonymous

"Normally, in anything I do, I'm fairly miserable. I do it, and I get grumpy because there is a huge, vast gulf, this aching disparity, between the platonic ideal of the project that was living in my head, and the small, sad, wizened, shaking, squeaking thing that I actually produce."

Neil Gaiman

"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."

Robert Brault

Matt: *drops paper*

Me: "One of your things fell, Matt. Just so you know."

Pete: "That's it, Matt. You and I are done."

Me: "Because one of his things fell?"

Pete: "Yes."

Me: "But only one fell."

Pete: "You don't understand how attached I am to his things."

Matt: "It's okay, I've got like ten more. It was the wrinkly one, anyway."

Pete: "Wrinkles McGee was my favorite!"

Personal Quote

"I'd say go to hell, but I never want to see you again."

Sylvia Plath

"A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest, Granny Weatherwax had once told her, because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her."

"Wintersmith" by Terry Pratchett

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